To Save a Life: Degrassi Edition
by You'veGotMeAndJesus
Summary: Based off of the movie "To Save a Life." Dallas and Campbell were best friends, until a tragic accident changed everything. Now, years down the road, Dallas rules the school and has the perfect life. When something even more tragic happens, he sees how simple things impact the world around him. Join Mike Dallas as he leads a revolution and learns how to save a life.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hey, guys! I'm working on a new story called To Save a Life: Degrassi Edition. Before I start the story, a few things need to be addressed.**

**1) This story is based off of the movie To Save a Life. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend you watch it. It is a truly incredible and inspiring movie, which is why I wanted to write this fanfiction. This story has a very powerful message and I'm so excited to share it with you. **

**2) I DO NOT OWN THE MOVIE "TO SAVE A LIFE" OR THE TELEVISION SHOW "DEGRASSI"! **

**2) One of the Degrassi characters I am using in this story is Katie Matlin. However, this is the Katie from BEFORE DREW MADE HER CRAZY! This is the preppy, student council version of Katie. **

**3) I know I said that the most I would write in my fanfictions, but I am following the storyline of this movie pretty closely except for a few things that I had to change. This being said, I am going to have to write about a couple "going all the way." Please know that I am only doing this because it is absolutely required for the movie, so it is also required for the story. **

**For those of you who actually read this, thank you for doing so. I hope you enjoy the story! **

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**

Chapter One (Dallas P.O.V.)

"We are gathered here today to remember the life of Campbell Jonathan Saunders. Although Campbell was only here for a short time, he lives on in all of our hearts," I heard the preacher say as I was standing in front of my former best friend's casket. I was barely listening to what he was saying as my own thoughts were racing at a rapid speed. I was so focused on these thoughts that I didn't realize that the funeral was over. I looked around to see that the only person still in the vicinity was Elizabeth Saunders, Campbell's mother. Unsure of how she would feel about my lingering presence, I decided to turn and walk away. Unfortunately, I stepped on a leaf in the midst of my pursuit.

"Dallas?" she questioned, getting my attention. As I turned back around, I saw her grief-stricken face, which was enough to make me cry myself. I couldn't imagine the pain she was feeling. I've lost loved ones before too, but this is different. You see, this wasn't the first funeral of her own child that she had been to.

The source of all our problems began when I was twelve and Cam was around ten. Cam had an older brother, Charlie, who was my age and we were best friends. One day we were all hanging out at their house. Both of their parents were working and the babysitter was asleep on the couch. Everything was fine until Charlie got the bright idea to play cops and robbers. We were short a gun and we happened to come across their dad's gun cabinet. He had apparently just gone hunting the day before and forgot to lock the cabinet back up when he returned. Since we were short a gun, Cam grabbed a gun and we went outside.

Their dad had told them dozens of times not to touch his guns, but Campbell was convinced that as long as he didn't pull the trigger, he would be fine. However, there was a slight flaw in his plan. I was chasing Cam around the yard trying to get him sent to jail when he tripped. Due to the shock of the fall, Cam accidentally pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, Charlie was standing a few feet in front of him. Cam pulled the trigger at just the right moment to hit his only brother square in the chest. When the babysitter heard the gunshot, she hastily called an ambulance. Sadly, Charlie went into cardiac arrest and died in pursuit to the hospital. Campbell never forgave himself…and neither did I.

"Dallas?" Elizabeth called again, arousing me from my thoughts. I let out an audible sigh and began walking over to her.

"Hello, Mrs. Saunders." She rested her hand on my shoulder and once again began to speak.

"I'm glad you're here, Dallas. It really means a lot. Especially after everything that's happened," she explained, a long awkward silence following. "Have you been in contact with him lately? Did he tell you anything that might have been some sort of sign?"

I wanted to tell her he talked to me. I wanted to tell her, 'Yeah, I talked to him yesterday and he seemed fine.' No matter how much I wanted to be able to say that, I couldn't. I just wanted to be able to say something that would ease my guilt. I wanted to be able to say that I had no idea why Campbell Saunders did what he did. But that would be a lie. I knew exactly why he did it.

After everyone heard about the incident, no one wanted to be around Cam. Charlie was a pretty popular guy; everyone liked him, including his teachers. He had a lot of friends and a lot of fans, so needless to say, not too many people were fans of Cam. None of the kids talked to him. The only contact they made with him was when they shoved him in the hallways and spat in his face. Even his own parents could barely look at him anymore. Even if I wanted to forgive him, which I didn't, I couldn't; I'd be in just as bad of a place socially as he was.

I should have just forgiven him. Sure Charlie was my best friend, but Cam didn't mean to do it. He didn't deserve to be shunned by the entire city. I should have said something when the rest of the teammates were so hard on him. I should have done something! Anything! Maybe that would have prevented me from saying what I had to say next. "No, Mrs. Saunders, I haven't spoken to him since I was twelve years old."


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: So I just realized that I completely forgot something in my summary. *TRIGGER WARNING  
Now I feel better. As you continue to read this story, please remember that I am only using the characters from Degrassi. Some of the characteristcs will be the same, but a lot of them will be from the movie.  
Also remember that I do not own To Save A Life or Degrassi.  
~You'veGotMeAndJesus**

Chapter Two (Dallas P.O.V.)

Before everything with Cam, life was pretty good for me. My fellow Ice Hounds ruled the rinks and the school, and I had the most beautiful and popular girl in school, Katie Matlin, as my girlfriend. The only problem with having an amazing life is that there is a much greater margin for error. I didn't realize how big of an error I made until that fateful day at Degrassi Community School.

Like most days that go horribly wrong, March 13, 2013 started out to be an ordinary day. The first class of the day was now over. Girls were gossiping about who was cheating on whom and with whom, guys were inappropriately staring at girls, and the geeks were talking about something too intelligent for me to even relay back to you. My topic of conversation was the fact that I absolutely bombed the history test I just took in Perino's class. Everyone was so wrapped up in their little circle of friends that no one noticed the kid walking down the hallway with a gun in his hand. I didn't notice anything either until my former best friend fired two warning shots into the ceiling of the building. Ironically, it just so happened to be the same gun he used to accidentally kill his brother, although no one else knew that.

After the warning shots were fired, people finally noticed. Those who were far enough away from him ran away screaming while others found objects to conceal themselves. My hiding spot was under a table in the middle of the hallway; basically I was a sitting duck. It was under that table that I realized something: if he wanted to hurt any of us, he would've done it by now. The majority of us did not have the world's most invisible hiding place; it would've been pretty easy for him to shoot someone. That meant that if he wasn't going to shoot us…

Before I could even finish that thought in my head, I did one of the bravest things I have ever had to do: I got out from under the table and began to walk toward Cam. Once I got to him, I began to plead calmly, "Cam, you're making a mistake. Please, you can't do this."

At this, Campbell turned to face me and began to speak to me in cold, heart-shattering words. "Why not? I don't matter, and you don't care. You never did."

Those were the last words spoken by Campbell Jonathan Saunders right before he looked up at the ceiling, positioned the gun under his chin, and blew his life into oblivion.

**I realize that this is really short and I'm sorry, but it wouldn't have been logical to attach it to the last segment or attach the next segment to this one. Are you guys liking this so far? Please review and tell me if you love it, hate it, or just have constructive criticism. I want to hear it all! **

**Thanks!**

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Once again, please remember that the Katie Matlin I am using for this story is the version of her BEFORE DREW MADE HER CRAZY! She is still preppy,student counsil, popular Katie Matlin. That's pretty much all I've got. Enjoy! (:  
~You'veGotMeAndJesus**

Chapter Three (Dallas P.O.V.)

A couple of weeks after the shooting, Degrassi was back in session. Everywhere I turned, there were news reporters and grief counselors. The sad thing was that not many people seemed to be paying much attention to them. The moment I stepped foot through the door, I could see why. It appeared to be just an average day. As I was walking through the hallway, I overheard a couple of classmates talking.

"I didn't know what to think. I was so freaked out."

"Did you see his face? I didn't think we would make it out alive!"

"I know. We're so lucky."

"Yeah. Hey, did he look familiar to you?"

"No, I don't think so."

The next thing I saw was a girl coming around the corner. She appeared to be texting because she obviously wasn't watching where she was going. She seemed like she didn't have a care in the world. In fact, everyone seemed to be pretty carefree. Did they all forget that someone killed himself in this school two weeks ago? Everyone was so oblivious, which led me to ask the question of why wasn't I like them. Cam's final words to me hurt, but they were accurate: I didn't care. No matter how much I wish now that I had, it doesn't change the fact that I didn't. So why do I care now?

My inner conflict with myself was suddenly interrupted by my best friend and fellow Ice Hound, Owen Milligan. "Hey, man," he greeted me.

"Hey," I responded absentmindedly.

Owen took note of this and asked, "What's up?"

"Just thinking about Cam," I replied.

"Seriously? Don't waste your time on him. We had to give up three whole games because of him."

"Yeah, but -"

"Dallas, just don't worry about it. No use even talking about it anymore. We've got a game to win. It's time to focus."

Did he seriously say that? Someone kills himself and the only anguish he feels is due to our three forfeited games? What was wrong with this school? Or was the better question what was wrong with me? I honestly didn't have the energy to continue arguing with myself. I didn't have time to feel this way. Owen was right; I had a hockey game to win.

For the time being, putting my head in that game was a good decision. I actually wound up scoring the winning goal right before the final buzzer. The stands went wild and so did my Hounds. Now it was time for a celebratory party at Owen's house with my lady. As I was walking outside, I heard someone call my name.

"Hey, nice goal, man," someone said.

"Thanks," I responded. After looking at him for a while, he started to look familiar. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Campbell's funeral maybe?" he questioned, attempting to jog my memory.

"Oh, yeah! You're that preacher." I said, realization hitting me.

"That's right. My name's Andrew," he told me as he shook my hand. "I just thought that maybe I should come over and introduce myself."

"Alright. I'm not really into all that religious stuff though."

Andrew chuckled slightly and replied, "That's cool because neither am I."

Before I had time to be confused by his last statement, my girlfriend ran up to me. "Dally, I've been looking all over for you," she told me before she kissed me. I gotta admit it was weird being kissed in front of a pastor. I could tell he was uncomfortable too as he ducked his head down to the ground. After she kissed me, she told me that there were recruiters in the stands and they seemed to be pretty impressed with me. We talked more about the game for a minute until I remembered that we weren't alone.

"Oh, sorry. Katie, this is Andrew." He sticks his hand out for her to shake and tells her it's nice to meet her. She awkwardly responds, since she has no idea who I just introduced her to.

"You ready for that party?" she asked as she turned back around to face me.

"Yeah, let's do it," I responded.

As I was about to bid my farewells to Andrew, I noticed that he was taking a small card out of his pocket. "Look, I know I don't know you very well, and I don't know how well you are handling this, but if you ever need to talk to me about anything, feel free," he told me as he gave me his business card.

"Thanks."

"No problem," he said as he walked away.

"Who was that guy?" Katie questioned, a quizzical look on her face.

"Andrew," I told her. "Ready to party?"

"Let's go!" she exclaimed as she put her arm around my waist and we walked to my car.

"And I told you not to call me Dally in front of people."

"What are you going to do about it, Dally" she questioned, getting up in my face.

"Oh, you'll see," I answered with a mischievous grin.

"Uh-huh, sure," she responded.

"You're asking for it now, Matlin."

"Ooh, I'm so sca-" I cut her off by picking her up bridal style and running with her all the way to my car, Katie screaming the whole way. When we finally got to the car, she screamed, "Dallas, put me down!"

I set her down on top of the trunk of my car and placed my lips passionately against hers. "Let's go," I told her, slightly out of breath.

She pushed me away slightly so she could hop back down to the ground. "Whatever you say," she responded before kissing me again. "Dally."

I chuckled lightly before responding, "You're lucky I love you."

"I know."

**I gave you guys a little added romance. That whole thing with him running to his car with her was not in the movie. Also, another major change is the reason Cam (Roger in the moive) was bullied and shunned. I seriously recommend this movie. It has such a powerful message that every teen needs to hear.  
Anyway, review if you so desire. I like reviews. So please leave them? They seriously make my day.  
Thanks so much for reading this story!**

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't written in forever. I've had a whole lot of things going on lately and haven't had the time to write. I hope you guys like this chapter! **

The normalcy continued once we got to the party. People were talking, laughing, and having a good time. That is, if you call being completely controlled by a concoction you most likely don't even know the contents of, which I do, having a good time. This is what happens after every victory, and we had a lot of victories.

I was just looking around the party when Owen spotted me. "Hey, look who it is! It's the king of the rink, everybody." He got up and started to walk toward me. "Cheers to yet another victory thanks to Mike Dallas!" he exclaimed, after which everyone took a drink and cheered. After the rest of my classmates stopped paying attention to us, Owen pulled something out of his pocket. "Dude, you gotta see this," he told me.

I looked at the paper with a curious smile on my face. "Man, what did you do?"

"Well, my friend, that is an invitation to the Avid Aliens Anonymous Club that I am hosting here tonight in…twenty minutes."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"I gave one of the dorks at school this flyer and he's coming here tonight dressed in an alien outfit," he explained, barely able to tell the story without laughing himself. Katie seemed to think it was pretty funny as well. That just left me. I wasn't really sure what to think of my best friend's next crazy scheme. I didn't think it was all that funny, but I laughed along anyway.

"Man, you're hilarious," I told him before I tore the flyer out of his hand and said, "Time to party!"

We passed the time by playing various drinking games as well as card games. I was talking to one of my fellow Ice Hounds when I noticed my girlfriend motioning for me to come join her on the dance floor. "You don't know how lucky you've got it, man," Owen said to me.

"I know, I'm lucky. Someday, you'll be lucky too, bro," I answered before I patted his back and went to go dance with my girlfriend.

"Not as lucky as you," he called back.

Shortly after I reunited with Katie, the doorbell rang. I wasn't paying much attention to it at first; I kind of had other things distracting me at the moment. It wasn't until I heard Owen's voice that I realized what was going on and I turned my head toward the door. "Finally! It's about time you showed up. I was beginning to think you wouldn't show." He then directed his speech to us. "Hey, guys! The entertainment's here!" The kid on the other side of the door mumbled something I couldn't quite make out and Owen used his arm to usher him inside the house.

Once the kid came inside, he took note of the fact that no one was in costume. He opened his mouth to speak, but before any words could come out, the other kids began laughing at him. After standing there for a while (definitely longer than I would have if I were him), I noticed a small tear fall down his cheek. After that, the kid snapped out of it and walked out the door.

I couldn't really describe what I was feeling at that moment. Everyone else was laughing, thinking it was so funny. Last month, I would have been one of them; but something was telling me that this wasn't right. Why am I, all of a sudden, getting these feelings? Why all of these conflictions? Why couldn't I be just like everyone else? That's who I've always been.

After I had yet another internal battle inside me head, my girlfriend broke me from my trance. It wasn't until she began talking that I realized I had been staring at the door for the past several minutes.

"Dallas! Snap out of it!" Katie commanded. I gave her a serious look, to which she responded by saying, "What is up with you?"

"I'm not sure," I told her honestly.

"Is this about that alien guy? Dallas, that was hilarious."

Still slightly in my own headspace, I replied, "Yeah, hilarious."

"Dally," she whined at me. "I know how to make you feel better," she whispered seductively before she grabbed my hand and tugged me up the stairs.

This is a good idea, right? I am feeling so down because I feel like I'm not acting like everyone else. I need something to get my mind off of everything. Usually, the amount of alcohol I'd consumed already tonight would have done the trick; however, tonight it wasn't working. I had some serious stuff in my mind that required some serious distractions. This is the perfect solution. It's the perfect way to get my mind off of things, and it will definitely allow me to feel more like a regular teenager. Everything's going to be back to normal after this…right?

**So what did you think? Love it? Hate it? Let me know! You can review it or PM me. Also, as always especially with this subject matter, if anyone needs someone to listen to them or just to vent to, please do not hesitate to PM me. I won't have all the answers, but I will always be here to listen any time you need me. Always remember,**

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**


	5. Chapter 5

**Not too much of an introduction this time. Thanks for reading!**

As far as I can remember, I was sleeping in one of the bedrooms when I heard Katie get up and head to the door.

"Something wrong, babe?" I questioned, a slight slur evident in my voice.

"Yeah, the cops are here to bust our butts if we don't get out of here. I suggest you get dressed."

"Haha, you rhymed," I replied.

"Look, I don't have time for this. Let's go!"

"You're cute when you're flustered."

"UGH!" she exclaimed as she slammed the door and left me alone in the bedroom.

I stayed there a moment, then began to get dressed. Once I was done, I opened the door a tiny sliver to reveal several police men on the bottom floor. It was then that I put my quick-thinking skills to the test. I went into Owen's room, which I knew led to the roof, and opened his window. I then climbed onto the roof and jumped down, landing in a pile of leaves.

After making sure there were no cops around, I got up and ran to where I parked my car. There was just one problem: there was no car. I knew why too…Katie. It's not the first time she's done something like this. After spewing a few course words from my mouth in Katie's name, I sat down and began calling people.

I now had a problem, and with each rejected phone call, it was getting harder and harder to solve. I called everyone in my contact list: Jake, Luke, Drew, Adam, Fiona, and Imogen. Everyone was either busy or didn't bother answering their phone. Just when I thought I would be spending the night in Owen's backyard, which would have been wonderful if the copy discovered, I felt something in my pocket. When I pulled it out, I realized that it was the business card I got from Andrew. I figured it was worth a shot since no one else would answer, so I called the number.

A little while later, a black Nissan pulled up beside me on the curb. After taking a closer look, I realized it was Andrew. He rolled the passenger-side window down and ushered me inside.

"Thanks for doing this, man," I told him once we got going.

"No problem. Hit the keg a little too hard tonight?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"So Dallas, how come you decided to contact me of all people?"

"None of my friends would answer their phones, and I really don't think asking Mom and Dad would have turned out well."

"True. The girlfriend couldn't help either?"

I let out a sarcastic laugh before responding, "Nope. She was too busy saving herself by stealing my car!"

Andrew let out a laugh in return before saying, "You're not having very good luck tonight, are you?"

"Not really," I replied with a small chuckle. We continued to make small talk as we were driving along until Andrew came to an unexpected stop. "What are you doing? My house is down that way," I explained while sticking my pointer finger out in front of me. It took me a moment of just sitting there to realize that we were at the Saunders residence.

"I'm aware," he responded absentmindedly. "I just can't get myself to shake this off, you know? Can you imagine the things he had to have been going through? And we just let him slip through the cracks." He paused for a moment and then continued. "Campbell showed up at the youth service the Sunday before he decided to take his life. Considering what happened, he probably tried several things to help him. I know I wasn't his prime choice, but either way, he still came to me. He came to me, and I let him down."

"What happened?" I asked him.

"Well, I tried to talk to him, but one of my other students needed me for something. By the time I got back around to Cam, he'd already left. He must have thought I was too busy to talk to him. I could have helped him, but I missed my chance."

Andrew missed his chance. What about that kid that came to the party tonight? Was I supposed to help him? Did I miss my chance? What if he decided to do something as drastic as Campbell? Would he die with no one even knowing his name?

"You know the party I was just at? Some kid no one knew came to it, but we wouldn't let him join us because of his social status. Why do I seem to be the only teenager in the world who sees anything wrong with that? The same thing happened with Cam. I could have forgiven him for what he did a long time ago, but I chose not to because I would be written off to the bottom of the totem pole, just like him."

Andrew gave a sigh and replied, "I know how tough high school can be. I hear stories about it every day, and I even lived it once, but that doesn't give us excuses to treat others with anything but respect."

"He never had anyone to talk to except for me. All the other kids just hung around him because of his brother. I was the only one who actually cared about him. Every day I would see him and want to say something, but I never did."

Andrew looked over at me, a sad expression on his face, and said, "Sounds like we've both got some skeletons in the closet, huh?" I responded with a nod of my head yes, and we then put the car in drive and proceeded to my house.

"What exactly did you mean when you were talking about not being into that religious stuff? You're a youth minister. Don't you kind of have to be into that stuff?"

"Absolutely not," he responded, throwing me for a loop.

"Wait, what?"

"Dallas, that is a fully loaded question and it's a little difficult to explain," he said, chuckling again. "You ought to come this week. Maybe you can figure out the answer yourself." I started racking my brain trying to come up with a good excuse, but all I came up with were a few grumbles. "It's probably not the way you want to spend your Sunday morning, is it?"

"Maybe."

"Well leaving my wife and son to cart home an intoxicated minor isn't exactly my ideal way to spend a Saturday night. I'm thinkin' you owe me," Andrew retorted.

"I would hope not," I responded. A short while after that, we were at my house.

"Thanks again, Andrew."

"My pleasure. Just try not to make a habit of it, okay"

"I'll try."

After I got out and was half way up my driveway, he called to me again. "Hey, Dallas?"

"Yeah?" I asked, turning back around.

"I hope I see you tomorrow."

"Maybe," I responded before Andrew drove away and I went inside intending to sleep off the hangover I would undoubtedly have in the morning.

**This is a little short, so sorry. It really wouldn't have been logical to keep going since the next part of the story is when he wakes up the next morning. Anyway, please review! I would really like to know what you guys think of this story so far. **

**Thanks!**

~**You'veGotMeAndJesus**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, guys! Sorry I haven't updated in ages. I've been really busy. I just came back from my first ever mission trip! Thank you all for being patient with me. Also, I do not own Degrassi, its characters, or The Mighty Ducks and whatever moves I may have used to describe the hockey game. Thanks!**

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**

As I expected, I woke up that morning with a screaming headache. However, I was pretty sure this time it wasn't just the beer. I've had a lot on my mind lately and it kind of feels like my brain is going to explode. You know how I said making love to my girlfriend would ease my mind? Yeah…I was wrong. But that really wasn't uncommon. I was wrong about what I needed before, but I know what I need now…breakfast. I peeled myself off the bed, threw of a different shirt to disguise the fact that I slept in my clothes last night, and headed down the stairs.

I was only down there for a few minutes when I felt a presence behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see that it was my mother. "Morning," I called back to her.

"Good morning, sweetie," she replied as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I squeezed her hand in response. "How was your game? Sorry we missed it; your father had a lot to do."

As if he heard me this time, my dad came into the kitchen next. "Hey, Dallas. I see you were the team's knight in shining knee pads again, eh?"

Excited he actually seemed to care for once, I replied, "It was awesome, Dad! There were literally five seconds left. I triple-deeked (1) the guy and scored the goal in the final buzzer. Dad, it was –"

"Alright, Dallas. Good for you, just don't get too wrapped up in this and lose your head. Don't do anything stupid and lose your scholarship, okay? This is your one shot. Don't blow it."

"Dad, I—"

"I gotta head out. Love you both," he said, interrupting me again as he kissed my mother's head and walked out the door. Silly me for thinking for one second that he actually gave a crap. Won't be making that mistake again.

"I think your father is trying to say that –"

Now it was my turn for interrupting. "What? Was he trying to say that my life is meaningless? Was he saying that I'm stupid? Or was he saying that he doesn't give a flying pickle about me at all? Huh? Which one was it?"

"Dallas, you know that's not true."

"Yeah, well each time he makes a comment like that, it makes me wonder a little bit more." I'd had enough. I don't know why she keeps defending him when he's tearing this family apart. I put down my cereal bowl and stormed out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Mom questioned me.

"Someplace I don't have to worry about finding Dad: church.

After explaining myself, I slammed the door and began my trek to the church. By the time I got there, I had mostly cooled down from the argument I had with my parents. I didn't really even know what I was doing there. Was I going because Andrew told me to? Was I going because of what happened with my parents? Was I trying to find the meaning of life? I had no idea what it was that pulled me there, but I had this feeling; it felt like I found what I was looking for. But how could that be when I don't even know what it is I'm looking for in the first place? Regardless of what I was looking for, I decided that I was not going to get anywhere just standing in front of the glass double doors. Not knowing exactly what to expect, I pulled the door open and walked inside.

While I didn't know what to expect, I sure didn't expect to see Mark Fitzgerald standing outside what appeared to be a chapel entrance. "Dallas?" he questioned, equally surprised to see me as I was to see him. "What brings you here?"

"I'm not really sure yet," I responded. "Why?"

"No reason. Just doesn't seem like your kind of place."

"I'm actually trying to find Andrew," I explained, hoping he could help me out.

"Oh, well I'll take you to him. You made pretty good time: sermon's almost over."

On the way to meet Andrew, Fitz got stopped by one of the church ladies. "Mark, it's great to see you! You know, your father's sermons are incredible. Each week, I think they can't get better, but they still do," she beamed.

"Yeah, he's a bottomless pit, isn't he?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Indeed he is. Can't wait until you get up on that pulpit and follow in his footsteps," she told him before walking past us to enter the chapel.

"So your dad's the pastor. That's cool," I told him.

"Sure it is," he responded. Now it made sense.

After walking for a little while longer, we came across a girl sitting at a table by the door. The minute she saw us, she put a huge smile on her face. "Hey, you're Dallas, right?"

"Uh-huh."

The girl scribbled something on a piece of paper before taking my hand in hers to shake. "I'm Becky Baker. I'm really glad you came. Welcome and here is your name tag," she told me before ripping off the sticker with my name on it and handing it to me.

As I turned back around to look at Fitz to lead the way, I noticed him staring at her. He didn't say anything, but he looked at her is if she'd sprouted an extra head within the last few seconds. "C'mon, man," he said when he was through staring at her. Once we got inside, he commented, "She is so weird." He then proceeded to pull up a chair for me and take his place on the couch in the back of the room.

Once I got settled in my seat, I began to listen to what Andrew had to say. "It doesn't matter how long we stare at this book. It doesn't matter how loud we sing or how many hours we spend in church. You see, reading this book is not going to get you into heaven. You have to read it and believe it and abide by it with all that you have and all that you are. If you don't let this change you, it's all a waste.

"Now I've got one more thing to say before I run out of time. What would you do for $20? Would you lick the school floor? Would you do extra chores around the house? I'm sure there are lots of things you would do if you were offered that kind of money. But would you do the same crazy things for a penny? Probably not, right? Well guess what: it's exactly the same way with human beings. Some people we would do anything for, while we just ignore others. As many of you know, I conducted Campbell Saunders' funeral a little while ago. What you may not know is the fact that Campbell was here in this very building the Sunday before he ended his life. It's easy to point fingers, but he took a long, hard look in the mirror and he told himself that he didn't matter in this world. Do you understand?" he proclaimed, his voice slightly raising. "This is something that none of you can afford to forget because if you do, it might happen again!"

At this, I was taken back to the conversation I had with Cam right before he killed himself:

_"Please, you can't do this."_

_"I don't matter, and you don't care. You never did."_

Andrew's words really resonated with me. At one time, Cam was a shiny twenty-dollar bill. Then, he turned into a dull, worthless penny. And now, he's not even that. Or maybe it's the other way around. Maybe I'm the one who turned into a penny. All I know is that I would give a thousand twenty-dollar bills to get the chance to have even that penny back. And something else I knew? I had to get out of there.

On my way out, I heard Andrew calling to me. "Dallas! Hey, man glad you could make it," he said once I spun back around.

"Yeah, me too." I really was glad. I wasn't quite sure about the whole religion thing yet, but Andrew was just one of those people who just draws people in; he made me want to learn more. "Sorry I was a little late. Came in just in time for your lecture though. I really liked it," I told him.

"Awesome! How'd things go with your parents last night? Are you busted?"

"Nope: they didn't suspect a thing. However, my mom was kinda curious why my truck wasn't in my driveway this morning."

"She still has that truck? Bummer, man. I could always give you a life if you wanna hang out for a few minutes."

"Okay, yeah sure."

"Cool. I'll be out in a few."

"Alright," I responded before he turned around and headed back into the chapel.

To be honest, I was kind of glad to be waiting for Andrew. It gave me more time to thin. I had been doing a lot of thinking lately; mostly about Cam. Before that happened, I didn't really think about things: but there's something about a suicide that really makes you contemplate life. Once we were driving for a few minutes, I decided to ask Andrew about something that I had been pondering for quite some time. "What do you think made him do it?"

"I don't know, Dallas. I've been trying to figure that out myself."

"I mean, if we were given a chance at life just so we could throw it away, then what's the point in being alive? For my whole life, I've been trying to live up to the expectations of my mom, my dad, my friends, my girlfriend, my teachers and coaches, and pretty much everyone else. I tried to be this hockey prodigy with a life full of leisure and success, but what does that really matter? You can be successful and still be miserable. I know because I'm seeing it in my house every day. What kind of person would just throw us into this world for no reason? Maybe what Cam did was a good thing. At least he doesn't have to go through the tragedy of everyday life anymore."

"There is a reason you're here, Dallas. I don't think now is the best time to tell you, but I promise you that there is a reason. Sure it's nice to be successful, but life is about so much more."

"What then? Peace, love, harmony and all that crap?"

"As much as I would love to tell you, I just don't think now is a good time. Some of that thought is coming from the fact that you have what appears to be an extremely confused and irritated girlfriend sitting in your driveway right now."

I turned my head to realize that he was right on both accounts. "Yeah, you're probably right. Thanks for the ride, man," I told him as I opened his car door to exit and talk to my girlfriend.

"No problem. And, Dallas?"

"Yeah?"

"There is always a reason," he told me before he pulled off the side of the road and left me to fend for myself against my girlfriend.

**(1) The triple-deek is the name of a shot they used in the movie The Mighty Ducks. I didn't know any other hockey terminology. **

**What did you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Review it! :) **


	7. Chapter 7

**I really have nothing interesting to say today. Enjoy :) **

I was not at all prepared for this. Sure, I knew I would have to talk to her soon, but I wasn't expecting it at that moment. I wasn't 100% certain how this conversation was going to pan out, but I was pretty sure it wasn't going to be good. I decided I should probably start somewhere.

"Hey," I greeted her as I proceeded to sit next to her on the tailgate of my truck.

"Hey," she returned in an icy tone. "Welcome back to Earth. I've been calling you. Why have you not called me back?"

"And why would I do that?" I questioned, standing up again to face her. "You took my truck."

Katie stood up as well, getting up in my face. "Well did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason I was calling you was to apologize for stealing your truck."

I knew that wasn't her reasoning; she just wanted to make me feel bad. I have been with this girl far too long to be trapped by her tricks. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked down at her. "Well, was it?"

I could see her tough-girl persona crack ever so slightly as she realized that her plan backfired. "No," she responded. Then the persona was back. "But why should I have to apologize to you? I didn't have another choice, Dallas. There were cops one level below us and you couldn't get out of your drunk haze long enough to realize that we were about to get arrested! So, sorry for doing what I had to do!"

After this, Katie turned around and walked a few paces away from me. She did have a point. I walked up behind her and put my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

I heard a small sniffle before she turned around and responded, "I'm sorry too." She then took my hand and we made it back to our seats on the tailgate.

"I was at church this morning," I told her after we had been sitting in silence for a little while.

"Seriously?" she questioned.

"Yeah, seriously."

"Why?"

"I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. I'm not in the best head space right now."

I watched a small frown appear on her face before she said, "I was afraid you would say that. I know the pattern. First, you think about the meaning of life or whatever. Then, you go to church to see if you can 'find yourself'. The next thing I know, you'll be leaving me. My dad did the same thing."

I was seriously taken off guard by her words. "Katie, no. Baby, this has nothing to do with you," I explained in a soothing voice. It didn't really help.

Katie got up off the tailgate, released my hand, and began pacing horizontally in my driveway. "I don't know what's happening with you right now. I mean, you went to church! What's up with that? Not to mention the strange man that seems to be next to you everywhere I look, which is a little creepy, by the way."

I got up from my tailgate and went to stand in front of her so she would stop pacing. Thwarting my plan, she turned back around the other direction and I grabbed both of her shoulders to keep her from walking away from me. "Katie, I promise you it's not like that, okay?"

"Well what is it like then, Dallas?" she questioned without turning around. I attempted to snake my arms around her waist from behind, but as soon as she felt my presence, she pushed my hands away and turned around to face me. "Talk to me," she pleaded.

I let out a small sigh before I began to explain. "Do you remember Cam?"

"That kid that killed himself? Yeah, of course."

"We were friends."

"You mean like you had a few classes with him and made small talk or something?"

"No, I mean we were best friends. We did everything together."

Slightly confused, Katie replied, "But you never introduced me to him. How could you have been so close with someone I haven't even met?"

"That's because I stopped talking to him the year before you moved here," I explained.

"So you're not even friends anymore."

"I was his best friend, Katie. I know everything there is to know about him. I know his favorite food, his most embarrassing moments, how his right eye twitched when he lied…everything. As much as I didn't want to know all of that stuff a few days ago, it's engrained in me. So why didn't I notice something was wrong? I should have noticed something! I should have paid more attention! I should have stopped him. Do you know what he said when I tried? He said that I never cared. Katie, why didn't I care?"

After I finished my rant, Katie wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me in for a hug, of which I gratefully accepted. I kissed the top of her head endearingly and waited for her to say something. She did not disappoint. "What happened to Cam was a tragedy, but you can't go around feeling mopey and guilty about it. At one time, I'm sure you guys were really close. For whatever reason, you decided to not be friends anymore. But even when you were friends with him, you couldn't have made his decisions for him. He made the choice to do what he did and while it's upsetting, you can't let it get to you. You have a whole new set of people in your life now. You have me." She moved her arms from around my waist up to my neck as she placed a gentle kiss on my lips. She then slid her hands down my arms and grasped my hands in hers.

I couldn't help but smile at her. "Come on, let's get you home. Can I have my keys?" She started to walk to the passenger-side of the truck, but paused to toss me my keys. "Thank you," I responded before I got into my car and unlocked my girlfriend's door. Once we were inside and I started up my engine, I asked her, "Do you think there's a god?"

The response she gave me was putting on her sunglasses, putting in her earphones, and saying, "Just drive."

We had a silent ride home.

**For those of you who have actually seen this movie, I tried to make Katie a little bit less of a punchable character compared to Amy. Katie is still pretty awful, but I don't want to punch her nearly as much as I wanted to punch the girlfriend in this movie.**

**So did you guys like it? Hate it? Let me know what you think! Also, thank you to those of you who are following and favoriting this story. It means a lot :) **

**Thanks for reading!**

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Hey everybody! SO sorry I haven't updated in an insanely long amount of time. I've been really busy this summer and, to be completely honest, have not had very much motivation for this story. Which is kind of a problem, since I'm not even an hour through the actual movie yet! Anyway, thanks for being so patient and for still reading this! Enjoy! :)**

The next day at school was a little crazy. The first thing I saw when I got on campus was Mark Fitzgerald and a bunch of other kids smoking out by the greenhouse. I decided to go over there and confront him. "Fitz! Haven't seen you since…yesterday." After I acknowledged him, he held a cigarette out for me to take. I put up my hand to decline his offer and he put the smoke back in his pocket.

The girl standing next to him, Bianca I think, was carrying on a conversation with some of the other kids in the group. Every so often, I heard certain choice words come out of her mouth. At the moment, she was talking about how much of an a-hole her step-father was. "What?" she asked me after she realized I was listening in on her conversation.

I had a lot on my mind. I wanted to tell her exactly what I was thinking. I wanted to ask her what was wrong with her, for one thing. I know I haven't been interested in religion for very long, but last time I checked you weren't supposed to be spewing curse words with a joint in your hand one day, and standing on stage and singing "Amazing Grace" the next. I wanted to tell her that if there really was a god and he really did have a plan for her, this couldn't be it. But instead of saying any of this, I decided to go with, "Nothing." She gave me a look that said 'that's what I thought' and went right back to her conversation. "Does your dad know about this?" I asked Fitz.

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't see daylight until graduation if he knew! Which is why it's better for all of us if he doesn't know," he explained slyly.

"But what about God? Won't he know?"

"Man, don't tell me you actually believe in all that God-watches-over-us crap my dad spews out."

"You don't?"

"Depends on who you're talking to," he began with a smirk. The perfect, Sunday school preacher's kid Mark Fitzgerald does," he explained, using his best goody-two-shoes voice. "Fitz?" he began again, returning to his normal, narcissistic voice. "Fitz thinks it's the biggest load of crap he's ever heard."

I had just about all I could take of Mark Fitzgerald, or Fitz, or whoever the heck that was back there. Was that what being "Christian" was all about? Confess your wrongdoings on Sunday and be whoever you want to be the other days of the week? He's the preacher's son. He should know what he's talking about, right? Maybe they're all like that. If that's the case, sure, I could be a "Christian" or whatever, no problem. But the question is, would I want to?

As I was pondering those thoughts I noticed Becky sitting with a couple other girls from church. I was planning on ignoring them, but then she called me over to talk to her. "Hey," I said, raising my hand in a small wave.

"Hi, Dallas!" she greeted me in her usual too-peppy-for-her-own-good tone of voice. "How are you?"

"I'm cool, I guess," I responded.

"Dallas, does anyone ever ask you how you are really feeling?"

I was a little taken aback by her question. Was I really that transparent? I look up at her and it was like her eyes were boring into my soul or something. "I really am fine. I've just had a couple of snags today, but I'm trying to shake them off."

"I'm sorry. I hope things get better for you."

"Thanks," I responded.

"No problem." There was a minute of awkward silence before she realized she hadn't introduced me to her friends. "I'm sorry! These are my friends Jenna and Alli," she explained, pointing to each of the respectfully as she said her name. "We actually have to go, but will I see you tomorrow night?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, we have youth group on Tuesday nights," she explained with another bright smile.

"Tuesday **_and_**Sunday?"

Becky chuckled lightly and responded, "Yeah, Tuesday **_and _**Sunday."

"What's on Tuesday and Sunday?" piped in a new voice in the conversation, Owen.

To my horror, Becky began to answer before I could come up with a plan. "Oh, we were talking about you—"

"Uuuuukulele lessons! Yeah, she takes ukulele lessons," I quickly attempted to cover. _Good one, Dallas_

"Um…okay?" he responded before he gripped my shoulders and steered me in the opposite direction. I turned my head to try to mouth an apology to Becky, but she was already walking with her back to me.

"Why'd you do that?" I asked, knocking his arm off my shoulders.

"You have the hottest girl in school. Wanna explain to me why you were talking to those losers? 'Cause if you don't want Katie, let me know because I can take her."

"Shut up, man. It's not like that alright?"

Owen put his hands out in surrender. "Okay, fine. Chill out, man. Someone's a little testy today," he responded as he walked away with a chuckle.

By this point, I was already seriously tired of this day. I was seeing sides of people that I didn't want to see, and it was really confusing me. After what happened to Cam, I took a good look at my surroundings. I looked at my house, my parents, my school, and my friends. I began to notice how pointless their lives were…how pointless _my_ life was. I think that's why I wanted to go to church. I wanted something I did that day to _mean_ something. I thought I'd found the missing piece, but after talking with Fitz this morning, I don't think the piece is in the either.

The next night, I was sitting in the bed of my truck in the middle of the church parking lot. I tried to go inside a couple times, but I just couldn't face some of the people in there right now. Before I knew it, kids were filing out the door; talking, laughing, and seemingly happy. I would have gotten up and left, but something was telling me not to. I soon found out that the reason for that was Andrew.

"Dallas? What are you doing? How long have you been sitting out here?"

"Pretty much the entire time," I admitted.

"How come you didn't come in?"

"I'm just confused on some things. I had an image of what a church kid was supposed to be like, you know? But to see how they act in their everyday lives…I don't know, it just doesn't match. Is that the way it's supposed to be?"

Andrew let out a sigh and began to respond. "No, Dallas, it isn't. But at the same time, Christians are not perfect. We make our fair share of mistakes. I know that there are kids who seem to be leading double lives. Some might be kids you're thinking of, and some might be kids that no one would ever think of. They can fool us, but they can't fool God. You're always going to come across people like that, Dallas; but it doesn't mean you have to be one of them. It's not our job to play investigators to find out whose faith is true and whose isn't; but it _is _our job to watch our own hearts."

"But why would anyone want to do that," I questioned. "If they have a chance to be free, why wouldn't they take it?"

He thought about my question for a minute and then responded. "Okay, let me ask you this: if I had come up to you two months ago and started talking to you about Jesus, would you have believed me?"

"Probably not."

"Right. Do you know why? Because everything was fine in your life two months ago. It wasn't until something happened to shake up your life a little bit that you started asking all these questions, right?"

"Right," I responded, starting to realize where he was going with this.

"Sometimes that's the way it works. You are responding to God right now because you have something in you that wasn't there two months ago, Dallas: the Spirit. If the Spirit wasn't working through you, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Some people feel the Spirit in them, but instead of answering and submitting to it, they run scared. At the same time, some can go their entire lives without ever having that encounter. My point is that they only way people can believe what we believe is through the Holy Spirit. It wouldn't matter if we shoved Jesus in their faces; they would still need more. With the Spirit comes a choice: you can choose to embrace it and be who He is calling you to be, or you can choose to reject it and settle for the world."

"What if I said, for all intents and purposes, that I didn't want to settle? Would that decision be worth it?"

"That's a question you have to answer yourself. One way to answer that question is by asking another: what do I want my life to be about?"

I thought for a moment, then began my answer. "I've been looking around at the people at school. They all seem so…in the now. But what does any of that matter in the grand scheme of things anyway? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want my life to be about…something."

Andrew smiled at me before responding. "There _is_ something more out there, Dallas. I solemnly promise you that when you experience it you will find that it's so much more than worth it."

On my drive home that night, I had a lot to think about.

**That was some pretty intense stuff, guys. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. The philosophical stuff is my favorite to write. Think I'll make a good psychologist? :P Anyway, thanks so much for reading and please review and tell me how I did! Also, as always, if any of you need someone to talk to, or just someone to listen to you, please do not hesitate to PM me.  
Always remember,  
~You'veGotMeAndJesus :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Hey, everybody! I know it's been a while since I've updated...again. Sorry for making you guys wait. I've been putting off writing this chapter because I didn't think I would be able to write it very well. I muddled through it though :) So, here you have it! Enjoy! **

The next day, I headed to my locker to discover that I had company: Owen, Katie, and Drew. Katie came up to me and gave me a kiss, letting me know that whatever scuffle we were in was now over. She then pulled me in for a hug and whispered, "I'm sorry," into my ear. Not sure whether I actually meant it or not, I responded with, "I'm sorry too." She seemed satisfied with this answer as she then put one arm around my waist and faced the guys.

"So, are you coming to the party on Friday, man?" Drew asked me.

"What party?"

"Only the biggest party of the year! You have to come!"

"Yeah, man, it's the beer pong championships! You have to defend your title," Owen chimed in, punching me lightly in the arm.

"I don't know if I can this time, guys," I responded, hoping they wouldn't ask me why. I mean, what would I tell them? 'Sorry, guys, I have to ask Jesus first'? Because that would go well.

Fortunately, no one asked. "Whatever, dude. We'll see you there," Owen replied.

"Think he's gonna show?" Drew asked as they were walking away.

"Of course he'll be there. Mike Dallas never skips a party."

Apparently, they were right: I don't skip a party. I still didn't really want to go, but I figured one night wouldn't kill me. As soon as I got in the door, the party-thrower himself, Owen, acknowledged my presence. "Dallas! We knew you'd show up. C'mon downstairs; we've been waiting for you."

"Why?"

"Why? Hello! Beer pong championships, remember? Let's go!" he exclaimed as he all but dragged me downstairs. When I followed him, I discovered that there were already lots of people waiting. I saw Drew grab a megaphone off the counter and figured he was probably about to make an announcement.

"Ladies and gentleman, the beer pong champion, Mr. Mike Dallas, is in the house!" Drew declared, followed by people cheering and booing from all around the room. "Let's get this game goin', guys! It's time for…BEER PONG!" More shouting, some trash-talking from both sides, and the game was on.

I had the first move. Owen tossed me a ball and I tossed it into my opponent's cup. The crowd erupted with chants of "Drink it! Drink it!" as Luke downed his beer. Once again, as he set the cup down with a forceful thud, there was more cheering. Now it was Luke's turn. His first shot easily made it into one of my cups, forcing me to drink what was inside. Was there anything about drinking in the Bible? Like I said, one party wouldn't kill me, right?

Without too much thought after that, I took the ping pong ball out of the cup and drank the beer. After I matched Luke's thud of the cup, it was my turn to throw the ball again. I made the shot with ease. The next shot belonged to Luke. Unfortunately for him, the ball landed in my hands instead of one of my remaining cups. I flashed a victorious smile as I gently glided the ping pong ball into one of Luke's cups. The game continued to go one like this: one of us would either hit or miss, causing an eruption of boos or cheers from the crowd.

As everyone was cheering for me after I had just knocked Luke down to two cups of beer, I got this really weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Having experienced this feeling quite a bit the last week, I recognized it as guilt. The lurch in my stomach was about the equivalent of a slap in the face. 'What am I doing?' I thought. Everyone in the room was cheering me on, and for what? Making a guy I barely know so drunk he can't even see straight? Who gives praise for something like that? More importantly, who embraces and revels in that praise? Oh, that's right…I do.

Not anymore. I took one last look at my opponent across the table, hovered the ball over, and dropped it into one of my own cups.

"Why'd you do that? C'mon! You've gotta win this!" my girlfriend exclaimed.

"Win what?" She looked at me with a quizzical expression, and I took that as my cue to leave.

Before I could make it to the door, I felt a hand grip my arm. I turned around to see the last person I wanted to talk to at the moment. "Dallas!" Owen boomed over the music, "Where are you going? You had that in the bag!"

"This isn't me, Owen!"

He looked at me like I just told him I was a ninja from outer space. "What do you mean? Of course this is you! You're the beer pong champion of Degrassi!"

"Maybe that's the problem," I replied as I pulled my arm out of his grasp and walked out the door.

* * *

I wasn't outside five minutes before another person I was dreading having a conversation with decided to join me. "Dallas, what is going on with you?" Katie asked me, flabbergasted as she sat next to me on the bench.

"I just want to be alone right now, Katie," I explained.

"Well you don't get to be alone! You've **been **alone! You've been in your own little world for weeks! It's time for you to start talking to me, or else you'll be finding yourself with a little extra alone time," she explained, fuming.

I sighed deeply before saying, "Katie, I've been in my own little world for a lot longer than a few weeks."

Still baffled, she replied, "What? What are you talking about? You're not making any sense right now!"

"You wanted me to talk? This is me talking!"

"Well you're not doing a very good job," she defended.

I let out another sigh, shut my eyes in an attempt to calm myself down, re-opened them, and began to speak once again. "Okay, so do you remember that guy I introduced you to the other day? Andrew?"

"Yeah."

"Well…he's a youth pastor," I explained reluctantly.

As realization dawned on her, Katie's expression began to change from confusion to – was that hurt? "Oh, I get it. You're going to church and now you think you're better than all of us because you're a Christian now?"

"No! No, of course not. I'm not even Christian yet."

"Yet?"

"I'm just looking into some things. I don't really know what I'm doing right now. I just know that I need to do it. I can't explain it."

"Is all of this really necessary? Can't you come back to the party and ask for forgiveness later?" she questioned, attempting to pull me back toward the party.

"No, Katie!" I exclaimed, jerking my hand back to avoid being dragged forward. "I can't have a foot in both worlds. Either I do this, or I don't. And if we're being honest, I'm leaning more toward the first option."

"I don't understand why you're doing this now. This isn't you, Dallas!"

"As everyone keeps telling me. But maybe I don't want to be me anymore. Maybe I want to leave a bigger impression on the world that star Ice Hound slash beer pong champion. What is that anyway? I don't know if I want to be that guy anymore."

"I want you to be that guy! That's the guy I fell for four years ago. That's the guy I've given everything to. The guy I want to share my life with." She pauses for a moment, causing an awkward silence, before realization struck her features once more. "You're doing this because of that kid who killed himself, aren't you?" She took my silence as a yes and continued. "We've been over this time and time again. You did not make that choice for him. There is nothing you could have done."

"Oh, yes there was," I snapped, more at myself than at her. "I could've said something."

"You tried talking to him, remember? He didn't listen to you. That's his problem."

"I mean before all that. When everyone was making fun of him, which I caused by the way, and I just stood around and watched. I could have stood up for him. I could have forgiven him and we could be making plans to play video games at my house right now instead of me planning on visiting his grave; but I was too self-righteous and too prideful for that."

After another painful silence, Katie began to speak again. "What did you mean when you said Cam's ridicule was your fault?"

I was kind of hoping she wouldn't hear that. Time to let some skeletons out of the closet. "I tripped him."

"What?"

"The gun never would have fired if I hadn't tripped him. I tripped him, and because of the shock of the fall, Cam accidentally shot and killed his brother. Everyone loved Charlie. That's why everyone hated Cam so much after that; and I hated him more than anyone. I was so angry at myself for causing that accident that I had to project the blame onto the next closest culprit in order to keep myself sane…and that was Cam. I could have avoided all of it if I would have just realized it was just an accident and moved on. I knew Charlie wouldn't want Cam to be treated like that, but for some reason that gave me more fire to keep doing what I was doing. I guess because he wasn't there to tell me himself. I should have just listened to Charlie."

"Dallas, you had a right to be mad at him. Yeah, you probably could have made some different choices, but what's done is done. You can't let these feelings control your life." Another awkward silence later, she spoke again. "Any why am I just now hearing all of this? You've kept so much from me all these years. It's almost like I'm talking to a stranger right now," she said with a frown before she got off the bench and walked back into the party.

**Okay, so that's chapter nine! There was a little bit of drama going on between Dallas and Katie this time. Don't you guys just want to punch her? I scream at the television every time I watch this movie because of her scenes. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. If you did, or even if you didn't, PLEASE REVIEW! And as always, if anyone needs to talk about anything, religious or non-religious, please don't hesitate to PM me. Thanks for reading! :) **

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Sorry, I've been keeping you waiting so long. I'm going to try my best not to do this a lot. I've been super busy with school and stuff. I don't know if you guys know this or not, but this is actually suicide prevention week. I figured what better time to update this story than during suicide prevention week? (: Anyway, thanks for reading this and I hope you like it! It's pretty intense though, you have been warned.**

**Also, this is so important that I'm putting it at the beginning and the end. There is a scene in here that I paraphrased that I absolutely DID NOT DO JUSTICE! You simply must watch the version from the movie. I will be posting a link on my profile page. PLEASE WATCH IT! **

**Chapter Ten**

After that whole conversation, I decided that I didn't have much use being at that party. I went home and continued to think everything through. Seriously, I'm surprised my head hasn't exploded from all of this thinking I've been doing lately. I thought about what Owen said, what Katie said, and what I said within the last 24 hours. All they see me as is this cool party kid who's good with the girls and a star hockey player. Is that what my legacy is really going to be when I leave this school? I'm pretty sure Campbell didn't want to be known as 'that kid who killed himself' either. But there is a difference between me and him; Cam already made his choice. He can't change his legacy now, but I can change mine.

When I got home, I immediately got on my computer in my room and got on one of my social networking sites thinking that maybe that might clear my head of all this Cam stuff for a little while. Of course, I was wrong. Immediately when I got on my page, I looked on the side at the "People you May Know" section. And who was it that my super smart computer thought I should know? You guessed it: Campbell Saunders.

'_Okay, this can't be a coincidence,' _I thought. It was another one of those unexplainable situations again. Something inside of me was tugging at me and trying to tell me to click on that page. Was that the Holy Spirit that Andrew was talking about the other night? I decided I might as well see what's there and find out.

When I clicked on the page, the first thing I saw was his picture. This picture struck me for some reason. Any other person would see that picture and think nothing of it, but there's something about that picture that is getting me.

He's not smiling

Not only is he not smiling, his body is tense and his facial features are hard and cold. Why did no one notice? Why did no one notice that he wasn't happy?

As I continued to scroll down, I noticed some of the things that he likes, or liked, along with a few widgets here and there. But the next thing I saw was what really made me stop dead in my tracks

Cam's blog

Slightly afraid of what I was going to find, I clicked on his latest entry, which was the night before his death. This was what I read:

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so isolated, like everyone else around me is carrying on with their happy little lives and I'm the only one out there who's miserable. Why can no one else see that? The popular, happy people are the ones that really matter. I don't matter.

No matter what I do, no matter how many different things I try, I never matter. I've tried to scream out loud, to get people's attention, but no one seems to take me seriously, which brings me back to the fact that I don't matter. So what can I do? What is there left to do? My existence is not important here. I don't think it would really be important anywhere. So maybe I should just be nowhere.

Would you listen to that?

I know I don't fit your mold. I really don't have a problem with that. My goal was never to be the cool kid on the block. I'm going to tell you what my desire is, if anyone is even reading this. If not, that's okay; story of my life. My desire is not to be popular, or even to be liked. My desire is to be accepted. I want someone to take the time out of their perfect life and LISTEN. I know that I'm not like you, but that's your problem. Do you know why?

Because you made me that way.

And now it's too late for me to change.

Too much damage has been done for me to ever be any other way.

Unfortunately for me, lots of things in this world are continuously changing. But one thing stays the same

It doesn't matter if I stand on the highest structure in the world and scream until my voice dies out, because it's like I'm speaking a different language.

It's a language that the world will never know

Because they just won't take the time to LISTEN.

Can you hear me now, world?

No…

You can't…

And now you won't have to." (1)

Now I know I've had multiple people tell me that none of this was my fault, but I still had this gut-wrenching feeling like he was talking to me. 'My goal was never to be a cool kid on the block.' Was he talking about me? Maybe he was. He never wanted to be like me. He probably wouldn't want to be like me. All he wanted was to be accepted. But I couldn't do that. 'Too much damage has been done for me to ever be any other way.' I knew he was talking about Charlie. 'I tried to scream out loud, to get someone's attention, but no one seems to take me seriously.'

I couldn't remember until now, maybe it was some sort of selective memory thing, but there actually was a time where Cam tried to talk to me.

_Flashback:_

_I was standing at my locker, changing out some books for my next class, when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned around slowly to see that the guttural noise belonged to none other than Campbell Saunders. "What do you want, Cam? I really don't need this right now?" I explained in a slightly exasperated tone. Katie and I had just gotten into a pretty big fight, my chemistry grade was slipping, and I woke up late that morning. "I have more important things to deal with than you." Cam started to open his mouth, but then abruptly closed it again. "Spit it out, Saunders," I beckoned, growing impatient. _

_I started to turn around back to my locker, realizing I forgot something, when a barely audible phrase came out of Cam's mouth. "I'm sorry," he whispered. _

_Shocked, I turned back around slightly. He then began to tell me again. "I said I'm so_-" _Instead of finishing his sentence, I heard the distinct sound of the breath being knocked out of him, followed by a loud clang into the locker next to me. I didn't need to turn around to know who was causing these disturbances. _

_"Hey, man. This guy bothering you?" Owen asked as he pressed Cam's defenseless body harder into the locker, causing another guttural sound to escape his throat._

_I don't exactly know what possessed me to do this, but I looked down into Campbell's eyes. I expected to see pain and fear like usual, but when I made contact with him, I saw something much scarier…_

_Emptiness_

_It was almost like he was saying, 'I'm done. I don't care anymore. I'm used to it. Do what you want. Don't let me stop you.' _

_I now had a choice to make: defend my long-lost best friend, or remain at the top of the ladder and carry on with my normal life. The decision I made was obvious._

_"No more than usual," I responded before I yanked Owen away from Cam and told him we had to get to class. _

_End of flashback_

Now that I think about it, that was only a week before he committed suicide. It was then that I realized that I had been wrong. I told everyone that I had no idea he was feeling like this, but I did. I saw it firsthand. I saw the last bit of light and hope leave his eyes, and I did nothing to stop it. I could have taken time out of my "perfect life" to listen. But I chose to be on top.

'The happy, popular people are the ones who matter. I don't matter.'

Then there was the one that was the most heart-breaking thing he had ever heard in all his life: 'I know I'm not like you, but that's your problem. Do you know why? Because you made me that way.'

He's right. I tripped him. I made him pull the trigger. I ostracized him from the world. I made him into something different. I trained the rest of the town to despise that difference. It was all me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped up, threw my arms up at the sky and shouted, "I'M SORRY, CAM!" I fell on my knees and put my head in my hands, feeling the coldness of the tears I just realized were streaming down my face. "I'M SORRY! God, Cam, I'm so sorry," I continued, my voice getting less and less audible with the decreased volume in my voice paired with my wracking sobs. "God, I'm sorry," I pleaded.

That night, I went to bed with tears still streaming down my face and one haunting phrase continuing to invade my thoughts and nightmares:

'_Because you made me that way.' _

**(1) Okay, so I definitely did NOT do that scene justice. I'll post a link and put it on my profile so you can see how it's really done because this is my favorite scene in the entire movie. You simply MUST see the movie version. **

**Also, that entire flashback breakdown thing, I completely made that up. It's not in the movie just so no one who has seen the movie while reading this is not completely confused. I am taking a few liberties with this story and that is one of them. **

**This is some extremely intense material that I am trying to recreate here. If anyone would like to talk about it, or if YOU need someone to listen to you, I will always be there. I'm just a PM box away :) **

**Also, for those of you who are religious, I just heard tonight about a 12-year-old girl from Florida who committed suicide by jumping off of a tower in her hometown. No one should have to go through that type of pain, especially a 12-year-old. This was apparently due to cyberbullying. Please be in prayer for her family.**

**Thanks for reading! Review if you have any comments! :) **

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus **


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